McDonald's

Jack: Mom, can we go to McDonald's tonight to the Drive Thru so I can get a Happy Meal?
Tara: Hmmm... Well... You have been really good and I think you deserve a treat. What are you going to get?
Jack: Well last time I had chicken nuggets. I think I'll try something else. I want a grilled cheese.
Tara: They don't have grilled cheese at McDonald's.
Jack: Oh. How about a turkey sandwich?
Tara: Nope.
Jack: Bologna?
Tara: No.
Jack: Do they have burgers?
Tara: Yes, they do.
Jack: Okay. I'll have a burger with cheese and guacamole.
Tara: They don't have guacamole. They have ketchup and mustard, lettuce, tomato, pickles...
Jack: What is wrong with that place? I guess I'll just have chicken nuggets.

The Happy Meal comes in a bag.

Jack: Where is the box? Last time I got a box.
Tara: I don't know. I guess now you get apples and french fries so the box wasn't big enough.
Jack: I liked it better when it was a box with just the chicken nuggets and the apples for the kids, when they gave the french fries to the parents. I don't even like the french fries. I feel disappointed. Let's go to Noodles and Company next time.

conversationalist

Tara: Jack, can we please turn off the tv now?
Jack: Why?
Tara: I'd like to have a conversation with you.
Jack: Well... Can we just wait until this part is over?
Tara: Okay. That's a good deal.

After the show ends

Jack: Okay, mom. I'm ready for this conversation.
Tara: Oh. Um. Well, how was your day?
Jack: Look, this doesn't sound like it is going to be a good conversation. Is there really something you wanted to talk about or did you just want me to turn off the tv? I mean I'd rather go play now.

Responsibility

Jack: Mommy, where is my toy?
Tara: Jack, I told you that if you were going to bring that with you, it was going to be your responsibility. It is in the car somewhere. You are just going to have to look for it.

Later...

Tara: Jack, have you seen my keys anywhere?
Jack: Mommy, keys are your responsibility. You are just going to have to look. I am sure they are around here somewhere.

coffee

On the way to a play date, Jack and his dad stop to get coffee.
Dad: I don't know, Jack. The line looks kind of long. We don't want to be late.
Jack: Dad, you need to get coffee. When you don't have coffee, you get crazy.

broccoli

Jack: Mom, look, I ate all of my broccoli!
(While looking at Tara, Drew slips another piece of broccoli onto his plate)
Jack, looking back at his plate: What?! All the broccoli was gone! This is INSANE!
Jack, looking at Drew: Oh, you are something else!

Helicopter Pilot

Jack: I know how to work this.
Drew: How? Did you fly one of these in 'Nam?
Jack: No, I flew one in the mid 50's.

Red Hot Chili Peppers

"Mom, put on the album of those hot cold pepper guys."