Jack: I wish I could come with you instead of going to school.
Tara: You wouldn't have very much fun; it's just a lot of babies.
Jack: I like babies.
Tara: Sometimes the way you and your brother fight makes me wonder...
Jack: No, see he is a toddler. Babies are great but then they grow up and cause trouble.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Nickname
Kid at the park: Hi. I'm Connor.
Jack, with great authority: My name is Jacob.
Mom: Your name isn't Jacob!
Jack, to Connor: Well technically my name is Jack but Jacob is my nickname.
Jack, with great authority: My name is Jacob.
Mom: Your name isn't Jacob!
Jack, to Connor: Well technically my name is Jack but Jacob is my nickname.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Thursday, April 19, 2012
NOT good
Jack: 41, 41, 41
Mom: What is that?
Jack: A place. 414141 Route Locklull Lane.
Mom: What is that?
Jack: A terrible place.
Mom: Oh, yeah, why?
Jack: The parents. They let the kids play shooting video games. It is NOT good. Not good at all.
Mom: What is that?
Jack: A place. 414141 Route Locklull Lane.
Mom: What is that?
Jack: A terrible place.
Mom: Oh, yeah, why?
Jack: The parents. They let the kids play shooting video games. It is NOT good. Not good at all.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Music Snob
Jack puts on The Wiggles CD.
Jack: This is pretty bad.
Dad: Yes, it is definitely horrible.
Jack: Why did you buy it?
Dad: I didn't, someone bought it for you.
Jack: You need to tell them not to waste their money next time. Let's put some good music back on.
Jack: This is pretty bad.
Dad: Yes, it is definitely horrible.
Jack: Why did you buy it?
Dad: I didn't, someone bought it for you.
Jack: You need to tell them not to waste their money next time. Let's put some good music back on.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Seagulls
Drew: Jack, please! You are being so loud. It is really annoying.
Jack: I can't help it. Just like gulls. Seagulls just can't help being annoying.
Jack: I can't help it. Just like gulls. Seagulls just can't help being annoying.
Monday, March 5, 2012
A Good Artist
Jack: Mom, will you hold my paint brush for a second?
Tara: Sure. Why? What do you need?
Jack: A tissue. A good artist always blows his nose.
Tara: Sure. Why? What do you need?
Jack: A tissue. A good artist always blows his nose.
Monday, January 30, 2012
NPR
There is a story about Apple and Steve Jobs on the radio.
Jack: Daddy. Be quiet and turn this up. I want to hear this whole thing.
Later, a story about fighting in Afghanistan.
Jack: Wow. So that guy escaped but he didn't have a weapon. How do you think he did that? I'll bet he needed a gun and was sad he didn't have one. I could have given him one of my pirate swords but I don't have any guns.
During a story about a fire in a garment factory at the turn of the century:
Jack: You don't have to turn this off. It doesn't make me sad or scared. Well I guess it is sad that all those people got burned. Can we make sure our fire alarms work when we get home?
Jack
Later, a story about fighting in Afghanistan.
Jack: Wow. So that guy escaped but he didn't have a weapon. How do you think he did that? I'll bet he needed a gun and was sad he didn't have one. I could have given him one of my pirate swords but I don't have any guns.
During a story about a fire in a garment factory at the turn of the century:
Jack: You don't have to turn this off. It doesn't make me sad or scared. Well I guess it is sad that all those people got burned. Can we make sure our fire alarms work when we get home?
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Grandparents
Jack: Mom, when I grow up will you be a grandparent?
Tara: Maybe. It depends if you and the person you love have kids. Or if Will and the person he loves has kids. Do you think you'd like to be a dad someday?
Jack: Yeah. I'd like that. But I still want you to be my mom and I still want my dad to be my dad.
Tara: Buddy, I'll always be your mom and your dad will always be your dad. Forever and ever. That will never change.
Jack: Even when I'm 10? Even when I'm 16?
Tara: Your whole life, no matter how old you are. Even if you have kids. I'll be your mom and I'll be a grandma to your kids.
Jack: Oh yeah! Just like Grammy is your mom and Nana is daddy's mom! Wow. That's really cool. I like how families work.
Tara: Maybe. It depends if you and the person you love have kids. Or if Will and the person he loves has kids. Do you think you'd like to be a dad someday?
Jack: Yeah. I'd like that. But I still want you to be my mom and I still want my dad to be my dad.
Tara: Buddy, I'll always be your mom and your dad will always be your dad. Forever and ever. That will never change.
Jack: Even when I'm 10? Even when I'm 16?
Tara: Your whole life, no matter how old you are. Even if you have kids. I'll be your mom and I'll be a grandma to your kids.
Jack: Oh yeah! Just like Grammy is your mom and Nana is daddy's mom! Wow. That's really cool. I like how families work.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Word Play
Drew: What's brown and sticky?
Jack: Umm... sticky rice?
Drew: A stick
Jack: What's black and scary?
Drew: I don't know.
Jack: The dark!
Drew: That was a good joke. Did someone tell you that?
Jack: Nah, I just made it up.
Jack: Umm... sticky rice?
Drew: A stick
Jack: What's black and scary?
Drew: I don't know.
Jack: The dark!
Drew: That was a good joke. Did someone tell you that?
Jack: Nah, I just made it up.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Nowhere
Jack: Are you going to be around when I'm grown up?
Tara: I certainly hope so. What made you ask that?
Jack: I don't know. I just want you to be here. I don't want you to move away or anything.
Tara: Where would I go?
Jack: Maybe another country. Nowhere.
Tara: Nowhere? If I moved nowhere I'd still be here. Right?
Jack: No. The country Nowhere. Or is it called Middle of Nowhere?
Tara: I certainly hope so. What made you ask that?
Jack: I don't know. I just want you to be here. I don't want you to move away or anything.
Tara: Where would I go?
Jack: Maybe another country. Nowhere.
Tara: Nowhere? If I moved nowhere I'd still be here. Right?
Jack: No. The country Nowhere. Or is it called Middle of Nowhere?
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Career Choices
Jack: There sure are a lot of options for what you want to be when you grow up.
Tara: You're right. There are. You can be anything you want to be.
Jack: Will you help me decide?
Tara: Well you don't have to choose right now. You have a long time to make that choice and you can always change your mind.
Jack: Maybe we can start thinking about it now. I'll say a choice and then you say one and then I'll say one... Rock Star.
Tara: What about a doctor?
Jack: Oh, good one. Race car driver.
Tara: That would one would be exciting. Lawyer.
Jack: Hmmm. Motor cross bike jumper.
Tara: That might be dangerous. How about a librarian like daddy? Or yoga teacher like me?
Jack: Maybe I'll be a sales associate.
Tara: You know, I think you'd be a great salesman. What would you sell?
Jack: Lots of stuff. Cars. Or houses. Or I could sell sandwiches. Or maybe lightbulbs and light switches...
Tara: You're right. There are. You can be anything you want to be.
Jack: Will you help me decide?
Tara: Well you don't have to choose right now. You have a long time to make that choice and you can always change your mind.
Jack: Maybe we can start thinking about it now. I'll say a choice and then you say one and then I'll say one... Rock Star.
Tara: What about a doctor?
Jack: Oh, good one. Race car driver.
Tara: That would one would be exciting. Lawyer.
Jack: Hmmm. Motor cross bike jumper.
Tara: That might be dangerous. How about a librarian like daddy? Or yoga teacher like me?
Jack: Maybe I'll be a sales associate.
Tara: You know, I think you'd be a great salesman. What would you sell?
Jack: Lots of stuff. Cars. Or houses. Or I could sell sandwiches. Or maybe lightbulbs and light switches...
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Hugs and Liver
Tara: What about me? Do I get a hug?
Jack: Of course! I don't want you to be chopped liver.
Jack: Of course! I don't want you to be chopped liver.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Friday, November 11, 2011
McDonald's
Jack: Mom, can we go to McDonald's tonight to the Drive Thru so I can get a Happy Meal?
Tara: Hmmm... Well... You have been really good and I think you deserve a treat. What are you going to get?
Jack: Well last time I had chicken nuggets. I think I'll try something else. I want a grilled cheese.
Tara: They don't have grilled cheese at McDonald's.
Jack: Oh. How about a turkey sandwich?
Tara: Nope.
Jack: Bologna?
Tara: No.
Jack: Do they have burgers?
Tara: Yes, they do.
Jack: Okay. I'll have a burger with cheese and guacamole.
Tara: They don't have guacamole. They have ketchup and mustard, lettuce, tomato, pickles...
Jack: What is wrong with that place? I guess I'll just have chicken nuggets.
The Happy Meal comes in a bag.
Jack: Where is the box? Last time I got a box.
Tara: I don't know. I guess now you get apples and french fries so the box wasn't big enough.
Jack: I liked it better when it was a box with just the chicken nuggets and the apples for the kids, when they gave the french fries to the parents. I don't even like the french fries. I feel disappointed. Let's go to Noodles and Company next time.
Tara: Hmmm... Well... You have been really good and I think you deserve a treat. What are you going to get?
Jack: Well last time I had chicken nuggets. I think I'll try something else. I want a grilled cheese.
Tara: They don't have grilled cheese at McDonald's.
Jack: Oh. How about a turkey sandwich?
Tara: Nope.
Jack: Bologna?
Tara: No.
Jack: Do they have burgers?
Tara: Yes, they do.
Jack: Okay. I'll have a burger with cheese and guacamole.
Tara: They don't have guacamole. They have ketchup and mustard, lettuce, tomato, pickles...
Jack: What is wrong with that place? I guess I'll just have chicken nuggets.
The Happy Meal comes in a bag.
Jack: Where is the box? Last time I got a box.
Tara: I don't know. I guess now you get apples and french fries so the box wasn't big enough.
Jack: I liked it better when it was a box with just the chicken nuggets and the apples for the kids, when they gave the french fries to the parents. I don't even like the french fries. I feel disappointed. Let's go to Noodles and Company next time.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
conversationalist
Tara: Jack, can we please turn off the tv now?
Jack: Why?
Tara: I'd like to have a conversation with you.
Jack: Well... Can we just wait until this part is over?
Tara: Okay. That's a good deal.
After the show ends
Jack: Okay, mom. I'm ready for this conversation.
Tara: Oh. Um. Well, how was your day?
Jack: Look, this doesn't sound like it is going to be a good conversation. Is there really something you wanted to talk about or did you just want me to turn off the tv? I mean I'd rather go play now.
Jack: Why?
Tara: I'd like to have a conversation with you.
Jack: Well... Can we just wait until this part is over?
Tara: Okay. That's a good deal.
After the show ends
Jack: Okay, mom. I'm ready for this conversation.
Tara: Oh. Um. Well, how was your day?
Jack: Look, this doesn't sound like it is going to be a good conversation. Is there really something you wanted to talk about or did you just want me to turn off the tv? I mean I'd rather go play now.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Responsibility
Jack: Mommy, where is my toy?
Tara: Jack, I told you that if you were going to bring that with you, it was going to be your responsibility. It is in the car somewhere. You are just going to have to look for it.
Later...
Tara: Jack, have you seen my keys anywhere?
Jack: Mommy, keys are your responsibility. You are just going to have to look. I am sure they are around here somewhere.
Tara: Jack, I told you that if you were going to bring that with you, it was going to be your responsibility. It is in the car somewhere. You are just going to have to look for it.
Later...
Tara: Jack, have you seen my keys anywhere?
Jack: Mommy, keys are your responsibility. You are just going to have to look. I am sure they are around here somewhere.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
coffee
On the way to a play date, Jack and his dad stop to get coffee.
Dad: I don't know, Jack. The line looks kind of long. We don't want to be late.
Jack: Dad, you need to get coffee. When you don't have coffee, you get crazy.
Dad: I don't know, Jack. The line looks kind of long. We don't want to be late.
Jack: Dad, you need to get coffee. When you don't have coffee, you get crazy.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
broccoli
Jack: Mom, look, I ate all of my broccoli!
(While looking at Tara, Drew slips another piece of broccoli onto his plate)
Jack, looking back at his plate: What?! All the broccoli was gone! This is INSANE!
Jack, looking at Drew: Oh, you are something else!
(While looking at Tara, Drew slips another piece of broccoli onto his plate)
Jack, looking back at his plate: What?! All the broccoli was gone! This is INSANE!
Jack, looking at Drew: Oh, you are something else!
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Helicopter Pilot
Jack: I know how to work this.
Drew: How? Did you fly one of these in 'Nam?
Jack: No, I flew one in the mid 50's.
Drew: How? Did you fly one of these in 'Nam?
Jack: No, I flew one in the mid 50's.
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